(Heads up, I’m going to talk about losing one of our dogs recently. I’m not going to use her actual name, so, she’ll be referred to as “Bear”, “Baby Bear”, stuff like that.
I’m at the point where I can’t take much more in the way of “bad news”. Between the seventh raging tire fire in the last seven days that is the United States, and losing one of our dogs, my emotional state is “burnt out”. The torching of reproductive rights last Friday, led into one of our dogs getting real sick, real fast, which led to having to have her put down this past Monday, and even more Supreme Court BS happening every day since is…wearying, to say the least. I just can’t do it, I can’t take being bombarded with bad news, every single day.
I live and die off of memes, and light-hearted enough stuff to where I can “distract” myself from the absolute hell-scape we seem to be living in. But, the last week and change, it’s just been hit after hit, after hit. Sure, there’s been lighter fare sprinkled in, USC and UCLA ditching the PAC-12 for the Big Ten, Kevin Durant and (maybe?) Kyrie Irving having the Brooklyn Nets over a barrel and wanting both out, paid, and on teams that didn’t really need them last year. But, those stories are well, not as “apocalyptic” as everything else.
It’s not been great for my family either. We’re all grieving our “Baby Bear”, and my dad’s taking it the hardest, since she was his dog. We have a picture of her by my dad’s table in the front room, and we’ll get her ashes back next week. I’ve already decided that those ashes stay with dad. She never left dad’s side until it was time for her to go, and now she gets to stay with him. He doesn’t often take his “nerve pills”, since they all but knock him out to try and settle him down, but, he’s told us he needs them more than once this week, which isn’t like him at all.
I’ve never seen my dad cry in the 31 years I’ve been here, but, when we had to decide on either having the Bear put down, or trying some expensive treatment that may not have worked, my dad weeped. Even when he’s buried two of his siblings, or gone to jail, or been confronted about the shady crap he’s done, he’s never cried. Having to let our Baby Bear go broke him. Even for the rest of us, we keep seeing her out of the corners of our eyes, expecting to see her in places around the house she’d frequent. She’s not there though, and we’re all grieving.
I’ve tried to throw myself into my work, hell, I have 12 hours of overtime between today and Monday to distract me. I’ve tried to write as much as time will allow, stay on calls as much as I can, distract myself with Grim Dawn and Destiny, but, I just don’t have it. I’ve woken up each day this week even more tired than the last, and guzzled down energy drinks to stay upright. The news of the day keeps seeping in, and I get more frustrated and weary over it.
Ultimately, I’ll manage, I always do. But, the constant barrage of bad news, both for my personal life, and in general, has me just…tired. I know, that’s what the perpetrators of the Bad News WANT, for me to be so worn down by the Bad News that I’m too tired and miserable to fight back. But, it’s like, for one day, could everything just stop? Could the Supreme Court take a damned day off from tearing the country down? Could the miserable bastards around us stop for a minute to catch their own breath, let us sort out all of our other problems before they hit us all with more of them? Of course not, that’s the plan, see?
Distractions can only do so much, I can only do other things so much before the stress and worry keep climbing back in. About the bills, about the country at large, about how my family’s coping without our Bear. A lot of this stuff I can’t change. The country falling apart is so far over my head that I can’t fix it. The dog having to be put down was awful, but, ultimately, more humane than making her have to keep suffering, and go through more pokes and prods, and treatments that may not work than an old dog should have to be subjected to. The bills are what they are, and after this past paycheck for both me and my mom, that belt we had to tighten until it cut into us can be loosened up a couple notches. That credit card company that tried to take dad to court is paid up, one of the loans they took out while I was dead is paid. Things may be a little “easier” money-wise now.
Yes, I had to put an $800 Vet bill on my credit card, but, it was with the hope that we could get our Bear better, but ultimately, would be to make sure she wasn’t suffering anymore. I’d do it again if I had to, the Bear wasn’t getting any better with us trying to make her comfortable and cool her down. The Vet told us that she was jaundiced, and that her kidneys were failing, and that her White Blood Cells were ravaging her little dog-body. We hd to let her go to keep her from suffering. I don’t forgive myself for what we had to do, but, we did it for her, to ensure she wouldn’t be in any more pain.
On the dog and bill front, things will get easier after a while. It’s one day at a time, and one payment at a time. As long as nobody gets fired, then it’ll all work out. And at this point, I realize that I sound just like my mom. Politics-wise? We’re screwed. Getting to the Pacific Northwest, or somehow reaching Canada may be my best bet at the rate it’s going here.
I honestly don’t see there being a “United States” in like, ten years. We’ll break off into our own little countries and alliances, partially by geography, partially on politics, and partially because of who’s got the most money. Texas already wants to, California on its own is the sixth-largest economy on its own I read somewhere, and do you think that New England isn’t going to band together, being both tiny land-wise, and all smushed together? It’s coming, it’s just a matter of “when”, not “if”. No empire lasts forever, and I think this one is going to see its sunset sooner than later. Maybe then I can escape Ohio, or at least get a Visa to somewhere a little more “fitting” for me.
I’m not trying to sound like a “doomer”, I’m just kind of lashing back at all the awful things that continue to happen. I’ve got a couple hours until my half-day starts, and if it’s anything like last week, it’ll be four hours of literally nothing happening. Maybe this time I’ll swipe the Switch and catch up in Animal Crossing. I’ve got a few villagers that any time I play, I HAVE to catch up with. Particularly Clay, and Bea, those two are my favorites, and it’d destroy me even more if they left.